Miss Manners: Was the bride’s note weird or insulting or both?

DEAR MISS MANNERS I have mulled over this question for years and have seen both sides But generally I believe it sounds weird and mildly insulting to refer to a serving tray as a silver-plated serving tray especially when it was a gift Related Articles Miss Manners The bride screwed up What can she say to smooth things over Miss Manners They say I look like this actress and I don t think it s a compliment Miss Manners Can I tell the other band s snarky soccer parents to sit somewhere else Miss Manners I think this novelist owes me an apology Miss Manners I uncovered an expensive bracelet Are there rules about what I can do with it This happened to my mother-in-law whom I loved and cherished She was widowed at a young age and worked hard to have a modest income She managed to have a pleasant happy life it was just her and her son my husband She also had amazing taste and reliably worked hard to give thoughtful gifts Her brother was very affluent and after he passed away my MIL had a tense relationship with his wife and kids There was a lot of jealousy and resentment When his daughter got married my MIL didn t attend the wedding but sent a lovely serving tray as a gift The bride sent a thank-you card saying Thank you for the silver-plated tray Was that a veiled insult My mother-in-law was very hurt and offended and that sealed it She had nothing more to do with her brother s family When I wrote my thank-you letters for my wedding gifts I never mentioned what the gifts were made of But I still keep wondering if it was rude or not GENTLE READER It would be of no help Miss Manners supposes for her to point out that silver plate can be valuable even in the affair of early Sheffield pieces more so than certain items of sterling silver The distinction that should have been made here is between a mere description a manageable slight and an insult so vicious as to require a family rupture The benefit of the doubt would have been the best choice But rather than ponder this you could have urged your mother-in-law not to react as she did but to let it go or if that was not feasible to ask the niece if she was unhappy with the present DEAR MISS MANNERS If I unveiled my that my wife and I were to be seated separately at a party I would move my place card or leave the party with her Related Articles Dear Abby Should I include a warning for the surprise party s guests Jill On Money What Trump vs Powell means for you Asking Eric I want to go no-contact because of the bride s snub Harriette Cole I m tempted to get back at my husband for the Chili s dinner Miss Manners The bride screwed up What can she say to smooth things over There are two primary duties that married couples and arguably dating couples have that supersede their duty to the host of a gathering protection of and fidelity to their spouse neither of which is served by splitting couples up Parties are often not safe in either respect especially when alcohol is involved GENTLE READER It is not clear whether the issue here is that your acquaintances are dangerous your wife is untrustworthy or that all of you are apt to drink out of control Perhaps it is all of these Miss Manners can offer you only her sympathy General social customs presuppose people of goodwill not such extreme and unfortunate cases Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO