Miss Manners: I backed out of their birthday trip. Do I still have to pay?

DEAR MISS MANNERS I made arrangements with a couple of acquaintances for an overnight trip to celebrate one of their birthdays and to sightsee We were to stay in a hotel Related Articles Miss Manners All people in the DMV line were wearing pajamas I discovered it disgusting Miss Manners It turns out I was too quick with my thank-you note Miss Manners She won t shut up about how fat I am I m months pregnant with her grandchild Miss Manners My neighbor who is not poor thinks I m her crisis pantry Miss Manners I feel bad for gasping at this man s distinctive face Should I have apologized Five weeks prior to the night a few close family friends stated me they were coming to visit me that same weekend I communicated the acquaintance whose birthday it was that I could not make it after all They became upset because the hotel reservation was non-refundable I apologized and explained that these other friends were coming from out of state I am honestly closer to them I requested the acquaintance if they could call the hotel to ask about a refund but they refused I called the hotel myself and although the booking was non-refundable it could have been rescheduled I tried to explain this to my acquaintance but all they would keep saying was It s non-refundable Am I still supposed to chip in The person went on the trip without me GENTLE READER You will not have to worry about this next year Not only did you break a social and financial commitment but you also made it clear that you did so because you had a more attractive offer Miss Manners assures you that you will not be invited to celebrate this birthday again But yes you should still pay your share DEAR MISS MANNERS I am of Asian descent and have lived in the U S for about two-thirds of my life My pet peeve is when people ask me where I am from I politely reply with the name of my home state in the U S Yes I still have an accent My kids were born in the U S and have grown up here they have no accents and no ties to Asia And yet they get the same question I m not sure if first-generation immigrants who are white get this question GENTLE READER Do you remember when this question was not considered an insult Because Americans often changed locations moving around the country it was once considered a benign conversation opener Questioners might go on to say they had relatives there or had vacationed there or had never been but hoped to go someday Related Articles Dear Abby She s excluded from the wedding reception Do I have to warn her Asking Eric What should I say if I see this woman after the dog park nastiness Harriette Cole My husband gripes all the time but won t speak up for himself Miss Manners All people in the DMV line were wearing pajamas I detected it disgusting Dear Abby I uncovered out what my friends are hiding from me Should I pretend I don t know Miss Manners is aware that this no longer works The assumed implication nowadays is the one you are thinking of You don t really belong here Therefore it is no longer a tactful way to open a conversation But when you are urged suppose you try presuming goodwill You could give a vague answer I m from around here or Down south or whatever followed by And where are you from If the response is No where are you really from then Miss Manners agrees that it is offensive But if instead the questioners launch into reminiscences about their own hometowns you should assume that they just didn t get the memo about this potentially fraught conversation starter Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO