Harriette Cole: Now that I’ve proposed, I’m getting worried about marrying her

DEAR HARRIETTE I am newly engaged My girlfriend and I had been together for about two years before we decided to move in together and it s been almost three years since then Related Articles Harriette Cole I can no longer pretend my son s path doesn t worry me Harriette Cole I caught my neighbor on my porch and her reaction was suspicious Harriette Cole She pretended not to notice that she d stained my dress Harriette Cole I worry about taking my foul-mouthed husband to work events Harriette Cole Should I tell her mom what this -year-old girl posted I love her dearly so naturally a proposal felt like the next step If I m being honest though a lot of my friends and a meager family members have not invariably been big fans of my fiancee Several of them feel that she is not friendly or welcoming and think that she s too territorial They worry that because this is my first relationship perhaps I m just excited about having someone Now that we are in full wedding planning mode I m getting a little worried It s hard to admit but I think I am feeling a slight event of cold feet Did I jump the gun Now that we ve agreed to forever I ve been wondering more about the dynamic between my fiancee and my village Can this work in the long term Cold Feet DEAR COLD FEET Here s where premarital counseling can be helpful Recommend that you two go to a therapist to talk through your hopes and dreams for the future Be open and honest in the conversation with the therapist Share what you love about your fiancee and what concerns you Outline your vision of the future and how it includes family and friends and gain insight from her as to how she feels about that The more open you can be during these sessions the better you will both be able to assess your long-term compatibility DEAR HARRIETTE I in recent weeks received a job offer from another company that comes with a significantly higher salary than what I m currently making The role is in a field I ve been wanting to move into for years and while it s a little intimidating it genuinely excites me When I described my current employer about the offer they surprised me by countering with a raise that slightly exceeds the other company s offer On paper it sounds like a win but here s the concern I don t truly enjoy my current job I ve stayed mostly because I have great relationships with my co-workers I know the systems inside and out and it feels stable The work itself leaves me bored unmotivated and drained by the end of the day Now I feel torn between taking a leap into something new that could be more fulfilling or staying in a assured role for the sake of defense and familiar faces Should I follow my heart toward the new opportunity or stick with the paycheck and stability I already have At a Crossroads DEAR AT A CROSSROADS Is there any way that your current company has space to create a new role for you Since you have a new job offer with defense there why not speak candidly to your boss Related Articles Dear Abby Do I go to this lunch and incur my wife s wrath Asking Eric I notified my husband his clothes embarrass me but nothing has changed Harriette Cole I can no longer pretend my son s path doesn t worry me Miss Manners One parent opposes beer and our soccer coach doesn t know what to do Dear Abby I suspect the other grandmother posted these horrible photos of me Explain that you feel you have outgrown your current job You appreciate their counteroffer but what you want more is a different type of opportunity Find out if you can create a new role for yourself there at the newly offered rate or if there s anything they can do to sweeten the pot You can also let the other company know that your current employer countered with a higher paycheck Diligently negotiate to see if you can get a better deal at the new place Just be careful not to be too pushy Ultimately you should go where you think you will be happiest Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions toaskharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO